Ephesians 4:17-32 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
These fifteen verses are the rest of Ephesians chapter 4. We looked at the first half of this chapter last week. Remember, Paul started the chapter by saying, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” Then he explained why we need to become mature in the Lord and strive for unity in the body of Christ. It is so we can attain “to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” To summarize his point, we believers should live in such a way that the body of Christ can be recognizable as being led by the head, who is Jesus Christ. Now Paul is explaining in more detail how we are to do this. He starts off by saying, we “must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.” Here, the use of Gentile is referring to unbelievers. There were already Gentile Christians and Paul doesn’t mean them. He is telling the Ephesians, don’t live like the unbelievers do because their thinking is futile. Their thinking is in vain, it’s useless. Verses 18 and 19 state, “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.”
There are a lot of points being made in those two sentences. Paul says the unbelievers’ minds do not understand. They are separated from the life God wants because they don’t know God. They are ignorant. They haven’t been taught. Their hearts are hard. I think this means that their consciouses aren’t working properly and they obviously don’t have the Holy Spirit inside of them, prompting them to act accordingly. They have become so desensitized to what is right and wrong that they’ve given themselves over to immorality. They are participating in “every kind of impurity.” Then he tacks on, “and they are full of greed.” I don’t know if Paul means that as a completely separate point or if he means that this impurity they are participating in, it’s never enough and they just want to do these immoral things more and more. Like they are greedy for more and more sin. Or if he means they are also full of greed and greed leads to other sins. Maybe he means both.
Regardless, this description of the Gentiles sure sounds like people today. Actually, it sounds like people at any point in history. Unfortunately, it’s not just unbelievers who live this way. With unbelievers, of course they do things that are immoral. Like Paul says, they haven’t been taught any differently. They are ignorant and their hearts are hard to the Holy Spirit. But what about believers? We have no excuse when we participate in immoral things. It must mean that we have lost sensitivity and our hearts are hard.
Remember the old warning about the frog in the kettle? I think that is a danger that all people face. We live in the world and so it’s really difficult to avoid the fate of the frog. He is placed in a pot of water and at first it’s really nice. The heat is on though, and the water keeps getting hotter. At first, it’s really enjoyable. The warmth feels good. He doesn’t notice that the heat keeps rising. He can’t tell anymore that the water is markedly hotter than it was before. He’s become desensitized to the temperature. Then, before he can realize it, the water gets hot enough that he dies. He was too ignorant to jump out of the pot. That’s what can happen to us, too. We risk becoming desensitized to sin if we just sit in the pot of society and aren’t on guard. Over time, our society keeps turning up the heat of sin and we won’t be repulsed enough to jump out of pot if we have been soaking in the same water as everyone else. We risk being cooked along with everyone else. This is just a clever metaphor, but the message is correct. How do we avoid finding ourselves becoming cooked in the temperature rising pot?
We can’t pull ourselves out of this world, but we can take steps to keep from losing sensitivity. A simple precaution to take is to limit things that desensitize us. In my own life, one of the many gifts having children has given me is I started looking at things through my children’s eyes. When my eldest started watching tv, right away I noticed how manipulative and full of propaganda commercials are. I hadn’t given much thought before to how inappropriate they can be. We made a family rule that if commercials came on tv, if we couldn’t skip them, the kids either left the room or we turned the tv off until the commercial was over. That might seem extreme to some people, but we take seriously our responsibility as their parents to guard their hearts and eyes. I have spent countless hours reading reviews on the content of shows, movies, video games and books, in order to help preserve their sensitivity. Working at guarding their hearts revealed to me just how much I had become desensitized. I felt convicted to reevaluate the entertainment that I was consuming. Evaluating things through their eyes made me realize I was sitting in a pot that had gotten hotter and hotter and I hadn’t realized it. This realization means that my family skips a lot of popular culture. It means we end up watching a lot of movies over and over again because the new ones are usually full of garbage. I’d much rather we “miss out” on the latest thing than find ourselves desensitized. Maybe someone reading this might think, “well that’s a fine and good when kids are little, but teenagers won’t be so cool with it. They will just rebel and resent you.” I wondered about that, too. Now that the eldest is graduated, I’ve asked her if she feels like she missed out on anything or resents us for our restrictions. She has told me she’s thankful that we guarded her and kept her from all the garbage. Now that she has the freedom to choose what she watches and reads, she has continued to be very choosy. She also said that if we, her parents, didn’t restrict what we ourselves watch and read that it would have been different. Then she would have felt like we were unfair. But we modeled to her the importance of being careful about what we expose ourselves to and so she never resented us. In our family, the older kids really look out for the youngest and they will even pre-read content and look up parent reviews to see if the youngest should watch or read something. It’s a family effort to guard all of our hearts and minds from becoming desensitized.
For full-disclosure, it can be really exhausting. It’s tiring to have to research things all the time, especially before the kids became old enough to help with this task. Often we all become very frustrated when shows we had previously enjoyed become inappropriate and then we have to abandon them. But all of us agree that the effort is worth the payoff. I know from personal experience, when I have become lazy in what I allow into my mind, the water heats rapidly and over my thirty years of following Jesus, when I haven’t been intentional in guarding myself from things that desensitize me to sin, I’ve found myself too quickly in a pot of hot water. My prayer, for myself and my family, is that the God of peace will guard and keep our minds on Christ Jesus and that we will follow the instruction, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:7-8). If we don’t make careful effort to not lose our sensitivity to sin, we will quickly come to think of sin as no big deal. All sin starts in our minds. We must be on guard and always ask the Holy Spirit to renew our minds and help us evaluate, according to God’s standard and not the world’s standard, what is ok to put into our minds.
Paul then says, unlike the unbelievers who don’t know any better, “That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” He reminds them they are to put off their former way of life, their old self. Their old mind was corrupted. Now they have a new attitude of mind. They have a new way of thinking. Not only that, but they have a new self that is created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness he says. Their new self is their new identity. This echoes what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Since that is true for all of us Christians, why would we willingly allow the corruption our new minds again? Did you notice Paul’s language use in these verses? He says, put off the old self, put on the new mind. Those are actions that we are to take. We have to participate in that effort.
Paul brings up again how we are all members of one body and we should not deceive our fellow Christians. We should not fight with one another. If we are angry, we should not let our anger turn into sin. We should try to resolve our issues with one another before the sun goes down, he says. Otherwise, we could give the devil a foothold. I think that is because the longer we hold on to anger, the more angry we can become. Then we might let it stew and stew and then do something that we will regret. Instead, we should work toward reconciliation so as to preserve unity within the body of Christ. He also mentions that anyone who is stealing must stop stealing and instead get a job. Be productive, instead of lazy. That way, Paul says, we can share something with those in need. As we help our struggling fellow believers, that works toward unity within the body of Christ.
Then we get to the last paragraph. Paul tells the Ephesians to watch the words that come out of their mouths. He says specifically, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” I think that means that we should be careful to not use foul language or vulgar jokes. We shouldn’t tear people down. Sometimes people use sarcasm to put someone down, and then they laugh it off, but it’s not funny if it just makes the other person feel bad. Our talk is actually supposed to build each other up. The internet has it made it so common and easy for everyone to insult each other and tear one another down. Our words are powerful, though, and they are an overflow of our heart. In Matthew 12:34b Jesus says, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Jesus also goes on to warn, “But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37).
That makes me want to be very careful about what I say! Not only should we evaluate if our words are unwholesome, but we should ask ourselves, does this build others up? Does what I am about to say benefit those who are listening to me? That last question makes me think of children. For those of us who have kids, our children are always listening to us. What words are we choosing to use? They will imitate us and repeat those words and phrases. And not only that, Paul says if we don’t guard our words, then we will grieve the Holy Spirit. I think we grieve Him because He is working in us, speaking to our hearts, prompting us to do the right thing and if we ignore or dismiss Him, He is grieved.
Next, Paul mentions anger again and says to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Are those things all the same thing? I don’t think so. Let’s look at them individually. Bitterness can be so damaging. I don’t know when I heard this statement or who said it originally, but you’ve probably heard this quote too, “Bitterness is drinking poison, hoping that someone else dies.” Bitterness is holding onto hurt that is done to us and letting it fester. Rage is anger that is not righteous, but damaging. Brawling and slander seem like fighting with lies and mistruth. And every form of malice must mean exactly that: wickedness, hate, or evil. All of those actions, we are to get rid of them.
Finally, Paul, as he’s done throughout this chapter, offers the positive counter to the negative. Throughout this chapter, he has alternated between the negative don’t do this, and the positive do this instead. He tells the Ephesians, and us as God speaks to us through the Word, to be kind and compassionate. Kindness is vital for unity of any kind. In marriage, couples who are kind to one another have happier marriages. Siblings who are kind to each other get along better. Employers who are kind and compassionate to their employees have happier workplaces. We should not underestimate the power of kindness. Of course, kindness does not mean that we overlook problems. It just means that we address the problems from a place of love. Just like Paul meant when he said that we must speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
Kindness and compassion go together, but they are a little different from one another. According to Strong’s Concordance, the Greek word for compassion in this verse is eusplagchnos which translated is tenderhearted or compassionate. Tenderhearted means merciful, soft, and sensitive. Hmmm, we talked about that earlier, didn’t we? We are to be kind and sensitive. Lest anyone thinks that means sensitive as in easily offended, this is not that kind of sensitive. The unbelievers who have wrong thinking, they have “lost all sensitivity.” I wondered if that word would be the same Greek word, but verse 19, which that is from is apalgeó: to cease to feel pain for, become callous. That is definitely the same concept though. If we become insensitive to sin, that means we cease to feel pain for it. We cease to have regret or shame. It means we’ve become callous about sin and simply aren’t bothered by it. Whether that is sin we are participating in or sin in the form of being insensitive to hurting other people with our words or actions, it is all the same thing. And when we do those things, remember Paul said, we don’t just tear down others or tear down unity, but we grieve the Holy Spirit. And, Jesus said, we will have to give an account for all our words. All of them! That should terrify us! Is there any hope for us?
Paul ends this chapter by giving one final directive, he says, and “forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This is hope. He reminds us of the beautiful word forgiveness. The thing is, we will fail and we will hurt each other. It seems to be impossible to be kind and compassionate all the time. We get stressed out or sick. We get emotionally wounded. We get hungry or are in a hurry. When that happens and we hurt one another, Paul gives us the solution to the hurt. It’s forgiveness.
Because no spouse, family or friend is perfect, the other element all relationships need to function in unity is people who know how to forgive each other. Forgiveness wipes the slate clean and offers a chance to start fresh. Bitterness, on the other hand, is what grows when forgiveness is missing. Bitterness is holding on to the hurt. Forgiveness is letting go of the wrong.
Within the body of Christ, we must extend forgiveness if we want to build unity. How different would our churches be if everyone within the church followed Paul’s directives? Imagine if we only spoke to each other with words that built up one another and put off sarcasm that cuts others down? Imagine if the church treated everyone with kindness and showed compassion. What would happen if we all no longer lived as unbelievers live? I’m afraid to say that the body of Christ, and our whole society, would look a lot different than it does today. Since we do not operate in this way perfectly, we have two choices. We can get angry and bitter and give up, or we can forgive one another as Christ forgives us and speak the truth in love. I maintain that God is instructing us, through Paul’s letter, to not only forgive one another, but to speak the truth in love. Paul is adamant about this. He starts this chapter off by stating emphatically, “I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.” He insists on it. These are not just the words of an apostle over 2,000 years ago to a long forgotten group of believers. This message is for us today, because this is the word of the Lord. That means that we cannot dismiss his instructions. Yet, we are not without hope. He ends with the reminder that Christ has forgiven us.
Because Jesus died on the cross for our sin, He offers us forgiveness. He shows us kindness and compassion. He demonstrated the greatest love of all time by dying for us. We in no way deserve this love, yet He did it so He can forgive us for our sins. Sometimes it might feel like if we forgive someone who hurt us it will cost us too much. I think that’s a deception the devil likes to use on us. When we forgive each other, it actually lifts the burden of bitterness and anger away. Extending forgiveness only costs us the right to be angry. Extending forgiveness cost Jesus His life. When we think about what He did for us, why would we withhold forgiveness from each other?
What costs us a lot more is living no longer as unbelievers do. It costs us our old selves, our old thoughts, our rights to live our lives as we want to live. But our return on that cost is priceless. Matthew 16:24-27 tells us, “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.’”
This new life we find when we die to ourselves is so much greater than our old life. There is really no comparison.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, we ask that You would help us to become sensitive to sin. Help us to view sin the way You do. Help us to be repulsed by sin so we jump out of the waters of sin. Please show us any areas in our lives and hearts in which we need to repent and change. And please forgive us. We need Your Holy Spirit to help us and speak to us. We welcome Your conviction and we rejoice in Your forgiveness. We love You and thank You for Jesus, and in His name we pray, amen.
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