Forgiveness

Luke 17:1-10 (NIV)

Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves.

“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”

He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.

“Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

The beginning of this chapter has always given me pause. It is perhaps one of the strongest warnings that Jesus issues. Are these first 10 verses completely unrelated to one another? How do they go together? When reading this text the other day, something in it really stood out to me and, honestly, rather shocked me. Verse 3 says, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

The phrase “if they repent” jumped out at me. Did you notice it, too? Jesus doesn’t say if your brother or sister sins against you, forgive them. He says if they repent, forgive them. He even emphasizes it again and says if they come back over and over, saying “I repent,” forgive them.

Why is this realization so mind-blowing to me? For one thing, I have not heard this preached before. I have only heard that we are to forgive everyone and anyone, regardless of whether or not they say sorry. I have only heard that we are to extend forgiveness because Christ has forgiveness us. Period. Unconditionally. Always. Upon careful reading of what Jesus says, though, I see a very different picture. It brings up an important question. Is forgiveness conditional or unconditional? In other words, is repentance necessary for forgiveness? If forgiveness is conditional, how does that fit into Jesus’ instructions to forgive others so that He will forgive us?

Scripture should interpret scripture, so let’s look at another Gospel account of this passage. Matthew 18:21-22 says, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’

Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”

Matthew only records part of Jesus’ answer. Maybe this is where some of the confusion comes in. But then Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant in the following verses, 23-35 in Matthew 18. Let’s look at it:

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Did you notice the servant begged for forgiveness from his master? Then, when his fellow servant begged for forgiveness from him, he refused to extend the same forgiveness he was shown. Note, each time the person asked for forgiveness and asked for more time to make amends.

Jesus didn’t restate the prerequisite that the person needs to ask for forgiveness before we forgive them, but I think that is inferred from the text. In the parable of the unmerciful servant, the NIV doesn’t use the word forgive like other translations, but says, “The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.” According to Strong’s Concordance, the Greek word for forgive in this verse is “aphiémi: to send away, leave alone, permit.” That is why the NIV translates it not as forgive, but as let him go.

Jesus told this parable to illustrate how we should forgive one another. God is the merciful master who forgives us. We should not be like the unmerciful servant who, after being forgiven, withholds forgiveness from others. This is echoed in Ephesians 4:32 (NASB) which says, “Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

We are to forgive one another the way that Christ has forgiven us. How are we forgiven? “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). This word for forgive in 1 John 1:9 is the same Greek word as Jesus used in His parable. When Jesus forgives our sins, He sends the sin away. He cancels the debt we owe. We don't have to pay the debt. He releases us from what we owe. We are to do the same thing and forgive those who sin against us when they repent. But just like Jesus cannot forgive us unless we confess our sins and repent, we cannot forgive those who do not repent.

Does that mean we can withhold forgiveness, then? No, we must not withhold forgiveness from those who ask us for it. This is the point Jesus was making in that parable. The servant begged for mercy. He was granted mercy and forgiveness. Then he was asked for mercy and he withheld it from the one who asked for pardon. For that, he would be judged, for he should have extended the same mercy he was given.

It’s important to clarify that even though forgiveness can only be granted once the other person repents, this does not mean we, the hurt party, get to hold on to our anger or resentment. I think there are probably some people who love this idea of conditional repentance because they think that means they never have to forgive the person who wronged them and instead they get to keep hating or resenting the person who hurt them. That is not Biblical though. While we are waiting for the other person to repent, we should pray for them to repent so we can extend forgiveness. Jesus is clearly communicating in these texts that the moment someone asks for forgiveness, we are supposed to grant them forgiveness immediately, just as He does with us. Until they repent, we are to follow what Jesus told us to do about attempting to restore our fellow believers.

To be clear, God is willing to extend forgiveness to everyone when they repent, but He does not forgive people who do not repent. He offers forgiveness and mercy to everyone who repents and believes in Him. We are to do the same. If we preach that we are to forgive everyone even if they do not repent, then are we preaching that God forgives everyone even if they do not repent? Isn’t that universalism? Is this part of how the message of Christianity has gotten off track? Why would we think we can offer greater forgiveness than Jesus does?

This might be too bold of a question, but humor me a minute while I follow a thought. If we say we forgive someone who has wronged us before they have repented, are we placing ourselves ahead of Jesus? For if we forgive people who do not repent, how does that help them? It might help us not hold on to bitterness, but the other person has still done something wrong. How can we pronounce them forgiven before they have repented? How much is our desire to forgive someone who wronged us merely an excuse on our part to not have to deal with confrontation? Modern psychology will tell us to forgive and let it go, but Jesus’ kingdom doesn’t actually operate that way. He cannot forgive someone who has not repented. All that waits for them is judgement, just how Jesus says, “It would be better for [a person] to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.” If we forgive someone before they repent, are we, in essence, saying, I am even more generous and loving than God? I think that is dancing close to a dangerous theology that says that God, if He were just more loving, would not send anyone to hell. We want to give people a pass, ourselves included, from the judgement of God. When we extend forgiveness to people who are not sorry, aren’t we wading into that line of thinking? Is that any different from people who preach universal salvation? It sounds to me like the same thinking that says everyone can go to heaven, even if they do not repent.

I think part of the problem with our modern Christianity is we need to uncouple the word forgiveness from the word bitterness. They are not opposites. I think modern psychology tells us that forgiveness can be one-sided. The message seems to be that we should forgive the people who wrong us so that we are set free from bitterness. That is not what forgiveness is, though. Forgiveness can’t be done alone. Forgiveness can only be granted when the other party has repented. Where pop psychology is correct is that it is beneficial to us when we let go of the hurt that we have experienced. It’s better to let go of the anger, rage or desire for revenge, than to hold on to those emotions and then become consumed with bitterness or resentment. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. If we are following the Lord, He is continually trying to grow this fruit inside of us. Bitterness or resentment have no place on that list. It’s hard to do this. We need the Holy Spirit to help us so that we can extend forgiveness to the other person if and when they do repent. God can help us let go of bitterness, but we can’t pronounce a person forgiven until they repent.

I know that there are people who will disagree with me. Some people use Jesus’ directives in the Gospels to love our enemies as proof of unconditional forgiveness. They site Matthew 5:44 which says, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Or they reference Luke 6:32-36, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

But neither of those passages are talking specifically about forgiveness. We are called to love everyone, but forgiveness is not a synonym for love.

I’ve also seen people reference Romans 12:17-20, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

This, too, does not instruct us to forgive the unrepentant. Instead, we are to heap coals of kindness on someone in order that they will come to repentance. What good is it for the other person who has sinned if we decide they are forgiven before they have repented? They are still guilty. They still must repent in order to be forgiven by God. In this passage in Romans, Paul is saying that if that person does not repent, God will be sure to dole out His wrath. He will give the vengeance due to the offending person. We don’t need to worry about trying to exact revenge on the person who hurt us. God will do that for us. That’s a very different message than one that I hear a lot which says that we are to forgive everyone, regardless if they have repented or not, because God will not forgive us unless we do. That infers that God has already forgiven that person and so we need to get on board and hurry up and forgive. That is only true when the person who has done wrong has repented.

Again, God cannot forgive those who do not repent. But God freely offers forgiveness to anyone who would repent. We are to do the same. We should be willing to forgive anyone who asks for forgiveness, but we cannot give to someone something that they will not take. All we can do is offer it.

I’ve quoted from theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer before, but it’s worth repeating. He coined the term cheap grace, and he said cheap grace is “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance.” I think it’s safe to say that Bonhoeffer was not a proponent of unconditional forgiveness. I think he would agree that a person must repent in order to experience forgiveness.

This applies to ourselves, too. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus tells us what we should do when we are the person who hurts someone else. He instructs us: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

First of all, we should be honest with ourselves and realize that sometimes we are the person who needs to be forgiven. We should not be deluded into thinking we won’t ever hurt another person. When we realize this about ourselves, it also helps us to be willing to extend forgiveness to those who hurt us.

Second, this passage supports the idea that forgiveness cannot be accomplished solo. The offending party must communicate their repentance. If forgiveness was unconditional, then the offending party could just apologize to God for having wronged another person and then would not need to go and seek out the person he or she offended. Jesus doesn’t give those instructions, though. He says the person should go to the other person and be reconciled. This makes it clear that the first step is repentance.

We all will end up hurting people, whether intentionally or unintentionally. When this happens, we must be quick to make amends. We need to go to the one we hurt and repent and ask for forgiveness. And if we are hurt by someone else, we should let go of any anger and resentment and pray that the person repents so we can forgive them. This forgiveness leads to reconciliation, which is vital for unity within the church.

Does all of this mean that if someone repents and we forgive them, then we will always be reconciled to them? Does reconciliation mean we have a relationship with that person? In this verse in Matthew 5, the word reconciliation is a Greek word that is only used this one time in the Bible. The other times reconciliation is used are different Greek words. This time the word “denotes mutual concession after mutual hostility” (Lightfoot, Notes on the Epistles of Paul, p. 288). We should not think that forgiveness always leads to a restoration of relationship. Rather, forgiveness means that we no longer hold that person under condemnation. As we read in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone,” but that is also mutual and so not always possible.

Jesus concludes this passage of Luke 17 by saying something that might seem completely unrelated. He says, “Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

I think Jesus is saying that humility is the key to extending forgiveness. If we truly understand just how incredible it is that Jesus forgives us of our sins, then how could we think we are too good to extend forgiveness to someone else who asks us to forgive them? Christ has provided the way of forgiveness for us by dying on the cross for us, taking our sin away. If we can’t offer forgiveness to other people who wrong us, then we are probably acting entitled and ungrateful. It’s an easy trap to fall into it. After all, when Jesus said all this to the disciples, they said, “increase our faith!” They realized this is a hard thing to do. They knew that in their own power, they would fail to follow that directive. Especially, as Jesus pointed out to the disciples, we sometimes have to extend forgiveness over and over again. Like the disciples, we, too, need the Lord to help us put on humility and put off entitlement and pride. We need the Lord to give us minds that think like He does. So that when our brothers and sisters in the Lord hurt us or we hurt them, we can pray for God to bring them and us to repentance so we can give and find forgiveness and work toward unity and reconciliation. When we do these things, we shine a brighter light of Christ’s love to the world

Pray: Lord Jesus, we pray that You would grow the fruit of Your Spirit inside of us. Help us to be quick to repent when we need forgiveness. Please help us to always work toward unity and restoration. Help us to put off entitlement and ungratefulness. Help us to realize just how much You have forgiven us so we can be quick to extend forgiveness to those who ask us for forgiveness. We love You and praise Your name, amen.