Ephesians 5:22-6:9 (CSB)
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
5 Slaves, obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as you would Christ. 6 Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing God’s will from your heart. 7 Serve with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to people, 8 knowing that whatever good each one does, slave or free, he will receive this back from the Lord. 9 And masters, treat your slaves the same way, without threatening them, because you know that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
This is arguably one of the most debated and misunderstood sections of the Bible. I’ve often wondered why the Lord didn’t make His meaning clearer, but I think the problem is us: it must be our modern perspective that makes it difficult to understand. To understand this section correctly, we must look back at what was said in the previous verses. Ephesians 5:20-21 says, “giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.”
Throughout our text for today, Paul is going to explain what it means to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. He’s going to explain what this looks like for wives, husbands, children, slaves, and masters. This section of Scripture is an example of why we can’t pull verses out of context, and why the chapter breaks don’t always mean that a new thought is being introduced. The start of chapter 6 goes directly with this section of chapter 5.
In addition to the previous directives Paul gave to the Christians earlier in this chapter, he’s now telling them how they are to be “submitting to one another in the fear of Christ” and the first group of people he addresses are wives. But, again, in order that we have the right perspective on this text and don’t misunderstand what Paul is saying, we need to look back even further, this time at what he said in Ephesians 2:15-16. He said that Jesus, when He died and rose again, in His flesh, “he made of no effect the law consisting of commands and expressed in regulations, so that he might create in himself one new man from the two, resulting in peace. He did this so that he might reconcile both to God in one body through the cross by which he put the hostility to death.” Paul is explaining that Jesus brought peace between not just Jews and Gentiles, but between all people. This is part of that mystery that Paul talks about: that all people can become one people through Christ. He also explains this in Galatians 3:28, which says, “There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male and female; since you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
That means there is equality between believers. Just as the Jewish Christians were not more special than Gentile Christians, men were not more special than women, freed people were not more special than people who were slaves. All people are “one in Christ Jesus.” This was a radical new idea to people. Women were not valuable members of society. Even in Leviticus 27:4, we see that if a woman was vowed or dedicated to the sanctuary, it cost 30 shekels, but men were valued at 50 shekels. As Ellicott points out in his commentary on Leviticus, a woman’s value was the same as a slave. Exodus 21:32 tells us, “If the ox gores a male or female slave, he must give thirty shekels of silver to the slave’s master.”
Jesus changed all this, but because of their culture, the equality of all people was a hard concept to get through to them. If you remember, the Jews who became converted struggled very hard to accept non-Jews into the family of faith. Even Peter struggled to accept Gentile converts. They had been taught to shun Gentiles. They wouldn’t even eat with them. But Jesus had told His disciples to take the Gospel to the whole world and make disciples of all people. This was a radical concept, and we see that it took time for them to accept Gentiles.
Why then would Paul instruct these Gentile believers to keep the status quo of their culture? Why would he instruct wives to still be submissive if we are all one in Christ? Why would he seemingly be okay with slavery by telling slaves to obey their masters? Is he saying that women are not equal to men and that it is okay to have slaves? To answer these questions and understand this text, let’s look at each section individually.
To start with, let’s look at the instructions to wives. Verses 22-24 say, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.”
This section has been used to keep women from having equal rights as men within Christianity. There are many denominations who do not believe that women can be pastors or even teachers. They use this part and other parts of Paul’s writings to argue their case. But let’s look at what Paul is and isn’t saying here.
First of all, a lot of people read this text and then say, “men are the head of the household.” But it never says that. And in fact, in 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul says the opposite. It says, “Therefore, I want younger women to marry, have children, manage their households, and give the adversary no opportunity to accuse us.” He’s saying that it’s actually the mother, who by being the manager, is the head of the household. Worth noting, too, this instructive is directed to young women who have become widows. It’s not an all-encompassing mandate for all young women to marry. That is why when Paul continues in that text in Timothy and gives instructions to “elders,” it is not exclusive only to men.
Since all that is true, then what is Paul saying in this text about men being the “head”? He’s explaining that men are the head, the source or origin of women, just as Genesis 2 tells us about the order of creation. Men are the source, like the headwaters of a river; just as Jesus is the head, the source of the church. Then Paul says that Jesus is the Savior of the body, the body being all Christians, the body of the church. And “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.”
This is consistent with what Paul said earlier, in verse 21, when he instructed all the Ephesians to please the Lord by “submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.” Now he says, “wives you also to your husbands.” That means that even though you are now all equal in Christ and there is no difference in your status as a Christian, you still should submit to your husbands as this is the culture that they still lived in, and it is the way of all followers of Christ.
It’s important, too, to understand something about the culture of Ephesus. As N.T. Wright points out in his book, Surprised by Scripture, in Ephesus, there was a pagan cult that worshipped a false god called Artemis, whose women priests held complete authority over the male worshipers. Wright makes the point that Paul would also have wanted to make clear to the Ephesians that women were not to lord over men like that cult. Their newfound equality in Christ did not mean they were to usurp men, but rather everyone was to submit to each other in the fear of Christ.
More proof of this is seen in what Paul says next in verses 25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”
Some people think the mystery Paul mentions has to do with marriage, but when Paul says, “This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church,” he is saying that it is a mystery how the church and Christ are one body. Just as he said earlier in this letter, how God’s grace is a mystery and that mystery that had been hidden was finally revealed in Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. And so, too, is this union of Jesus to the body of believers- it is a mystery that is hard to understand now, but it will be revealed.
But just as Jesus gave Himself to the church and provided for the church and cares for it, so the husband is to love the wife. The husband can no longer just think about himself and what he wants or needs. He is to love his wife as Christ loves. As I mentioned, in that culture, men didn’t view women as equals. They would take a wife, and she was to serve him. Paul is turning that idea completely upside down. Instead of taking a wife, the husband is to leave his family and be joined to his wife. They are to become a unit: the two will become one flesh.
I think that’s why in Barnes’ Notes on the Bible, Barnes picks up on this and says, “But there may be more implied in this than that a man is to toil, and even to lay down his life for the welfare of his wife. Christ laid down his life to save the church; and a husband should feel that it should be one great object of his life to promote the salvation of his wife. He is bound so to live as not to interfere with her salvation, but so as to promote it in every way possible. He is to furnish her all the ‘facilities’ that she may need, to enable her to attend on the worship of God; and to throw no obstacles in her way.”
That concept goes directly with how Paul ends this section to husbands by saying, “To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.” This verse, in its literal translation is better understood as the YLT translates it, “but ye also, every one in particular -- let each his own wife so love as himself, and the wife -- that she may reverence the husband.” According to Strong’s Lexicon, the Greek word for “that” is hina and it means, “that, in order that, so that.” So, I think a more accurate translation is, “But also, each one of you should love his own wife as himself, so that she may respect her husband.”
If the husband is loving his wife, it will be easier for the wife to respect him. I think that fits what Paul has been saying. That word for respect is not obedience. So nowhere in this has Paul said a wife must obey her husband. He said she must submit and respect, but this submission is not one sided- it’s not only from the wife to the husband. It is mutual submission, just like he said in verse 22. Having been married for over 25 years, I can testify that mutual submission is key to a happy marriage. If both partners are seeking to place the other partner first, it means both people are being loved and cared for.
But Paul’s not done, and now he moves on to address children. Here is the first time we see the word “obey” being used. Moving on to chapter 6:1, it says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right.” According to Strong’s Lexicon, this word for obey is hupakouó and it means, “To obey, to listen attentively, to heed.” Again, this word was not used in the text directed to wives. Children are to submit by obeying their parents. Note, too, if fathers were the “head of the household” why bother to instruct children to obey both parents? This proves that the adage of telling children, “Just wait till your father comes home” is not Biblical. Children are to obey both their mother and father.
Did you notice, too, how Paul added the words, “because this is right”? I think this addition is significant because he doesn’t say that about the other directives to wives or slaves or masters. This is more proof that when Paul mentions slaves and masters and gives directives to people in those positions, he’s not approving of his society’s structure, he’s giving instruction on how to submit to one in another in the fear of Christ within their existing society.
Back to the instruction to children, I need to make note of another thing. Did you see how it says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord”? This addition of the words, in the Lord, is important because it clarifies that our obedience to parents should not interfere with our obedience to the Lord. Look at what Ezekial 20:18-19 says, “Then I said to their children in the wilderness, ‘Don’t follow the statutes of your fathers, defile yourselves with their idols, or keep their ordinances. I am the Lord your God. Follow my statutes, keep my ordinances, and practice them.” In that situation, those children’s parents were ungodly and disobeying God, so they were commanded not to obey their fathers. Obedience to God’s commands always supersedes obedience to people, even parents.
Then Paul basically quotes from the 10 Commandments as reason for this obedience. Verses 2-3 say, “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.”
Paul says this is the first commandment with a promise. I love that this is pointed out. God obviously wanted us to really make note of that. What is this promise we can be assured of if we “honor” our parents? Sometimes it’s easier to understand something by thinking of it in reverse. If a child does not honor their parents by obeying them in the Lord, then things are going to go badly for that child. In Barnes’ Notes on the Bible, he says, “obedient children are saved from the vices and crimes which shorten life. No parent will command his child to be a drunkard, a gambler, a spendthrift, a pirate, or a murderer.” Barnes is clearly assuming these parents are moral, and so should we when we apply this section to our lives today.
Then verse 4 adds, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” As a mother, I think this is fascinating that this directive is only addressed to fathers. It makes sense though, for fathers were far more educated than mothers who would have received no formal schooling. Also, it could be assumed that mothers were already directly involved in shaping their children, so Paul wants to be sure to communicate that fathers must also instruct their children to follow God, and not stir their children to anger, either by being unjustly cruel to them or by neglecting to lead them in following God’s ways.
Then Paul moves on to the directive to slaves, and again, this has been misunderstood and used to oppress people, the same way the directive to wives has been. But like that passage, if we understand the context, we see it is simply a directive to submit to one another in love, out of obedience to the Lord, who loved us so much He gave His life for us. Verses 5-8 are directed to slaves, and it says, “Slaves, obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as you would Christ. Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing God’s will from your heart. Serve with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to people, knowing that whatever good each one does, slave or free, he will receive this back from the Lord.”
This directive to slaves is not an endorsement for slavery. In Paul’s society at that time, slavery was the way of life. Households had servants who were slaves. But in Christ’s kingdom, there is no difference between believers who are ethnically Jewish or not, male or female, or slave or free. We all are equal in Christ. Which is what Paul emphasizes again when he addresses masters in verse 9: “And masters, treat your slaves the same way, without threatening them, because you know that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.”
Thankfully, most societies today have ended the practice of slavery, but the directives still apply to all people who work or have employees. We are to obey those who are in authority over us. We should not try and deceive them by working only when watched. In whatever we do, we should do it unto the Lord as Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ.”
The message of this whole section is consistent: submit to one another in the fear of Christ. In other words, out of respect to the Lord, we must humble ourselves and serve one another: striving to love one another as Christ loves us. We are to do to others as we would have them do to us. We are to love one another as much as we love ourselves. We are to be kind, compassionate, gentle, forgiving, patient, and honest with each other. We must not put stumbling blocks in each other’s way but help each other follow Christ. As verses 7-8 say, we are to “Serve with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to people, knowing that whatever good each one does, slave or free, he will receive this back from the Lord.”
If we keep in mind that when we humble ourselves, submit to each other and serve one another, we are doing this as to the Lord and He will reward us, then it becomes so much easier to follow this directive, doesn’t it? That means we can let go of the idea of “fairness.” We don’t need to keep score. We can serve the Lord with gladness and know that He sees us and will reward us for our faithfulness to Him. We might not see any return on our service in this lifetime, but when we meet Him face to face, He will reward us, just as Jesus’ Parable of the Talent shows us. Matthew 25:21 says, “His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy.’” Isn’t that what you want the Lord to tell you? Let us listen to these words of Ephesians and submit to one another with joy and thanksgiving for all that Jesus has done for us.
Next week, we will see how the Lord helps us follow these directives by equipping us with what we need to follow Him.
Pray: Heavenly Father, we confess that we have not always submitted to one another. We have been prideful when we should have been humble. We have been selfish and self-centered, wanting our way. We have been angry and bitter when people didn’t return our love the way we wanted them to. Please forgive us and help us to change our perspective. Help us to see our service to others as an opportunity to serve You. We thank You, Jesus, for being the ultimate servant, by dying for us. Help us to show our thanksgiving by living for You. We ask this in Your name, amen.
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